Drool Free Hair

I cut my hair. All visions of the long, lustrous, windblown locks that I would haphazardly sweep into a stunning up-do were abandoned the first time my 5 month old son clamped his tiny fists into the tangled mass of hair at the nape of my neck. Sam and I cried together as he swung from my hair like Tarzan from a vine as I tried to uncurl his vise like grip on my hair.
At 3 months of age his neck muscles finally engaged and he abandoned his full time reclined position and graduated to full ‘hip baby’ status. His discovery of my hair was cute and he would hold on as a baby chimp clings to his mother. The ensuing pulling was a mere trifle as his twitching little hand muscles would open and close without intent. I just needed to time it correctly and I could easily remove my hair from an open and outstretched hand.
Battle lines were soon drawn when, at 4 months of age, I would begin pulling out slurpy, sloppy, drooly locks of hair from his tightening grip. My every other day shampooing habit increased to twice daily to rid myself of the smell of feta cheese. I began wearing my hair up in clips and buns only to realize that the clip itself was more of a prize than my hair.
It was time for a truce. But how do you negotiate with a being whose hands seem to be made of Velcro?
After a particularly grueling day, I had had enough. The balding spots at the nape of my neck combined with my sweat drenched brow called for drastic measures. As I tend to make all important decisions on a whim, I got out my scissors and started cutting. Three hours later, I was on the phone to see what salon could get me in – today!
So, after a shampoo experience that felt more like bugs crawling in my hair and a disastrous run in with a razor, I left the hip salon with wispy shards of hair sticking out at seemingly impossible angles and $45 poorer. The good news is now that I have more high maintenance hair than my disastrous spiral perm at 16, Sam looks at my spiky, wispy tufts of hair matted with gel, pomade and hairspray much like he does a jar of prunes.
It may be high maintenance, but at least it’s hands (and drool!) free.