The Many Languages of Parenthood

All my kids have been late talkers. I originally believed this developmental delay was due to the fact that I had all boys. It is well documented that girls commonly develop language and motor skills faster than boys do. I have had to admit, however, that my extensive quad-lingual abilities have affected the language development of my children.

Many mothers throughout the ages have, upon the birth of their first child, been endowed with an almost miraculous ability to speak Wahnese.
“Wah!”
“He’s hungry”
“Wah!”
“He’s tired”
“Wah!”
“He wants you to turn down that god-forsaken music because his head is about to explode!”

I have often been complimented for mastering the more complex language of Uhnnish. I admit I struggled with the varying dialects that my children spoke when reaching toddlerhood, but now that my 3rd child communicates solely through this language, I can herald complete understanding while even my husband often stands dumbstruck by the demands of his 2 year old son.
“Uh!”
“He wants more juice”
“Uh uh!”
“I prefer not to go to bed at the present time as I lack the desire to sleep”

But it is the fluency of which I understand Idunnoan that I am most proud of. This is a more complicated language that instinctively develops in every child above the age of 4.
“Why did you just call your brother a stupid idiot?”
“I dunno”
Translation: I realize that ‘stupid’ and ‘idiot’ have been placed on the taboo word list in our house, however, since watching you running around the yard for an hour chasing one of the escaped goats and screaming “YOU STUPID, IDIOT GOAT!” I thought that possibly it was now ok to say.

“Why did you punch your brother?”
“I dunno”
Translation: Because he’s a jerk and I knew that you wouldn’t do anything about it and it’s worth any punishment to be able to wipe that smirk off his face.

As Idunnoan is a sub-language that every man, woman and especially teenager speaks until the day they die, this fluency has helped me to understand the intricacies of my husband as well.
“Why didn’t you tell me Rick and his wife had their baby?”
“I dunno”
Translation: Because I knew you were going to ask me what they had, how much it weighed, what the name is and how her labor went, was it a medicated or natural birth, is she breast or bottle feeding and frankly, I just don’t care about any of it.